About the Third Edition (2023)
Recently, my time in prayer has emphasized that this ministry and brotherhood is not about a group of addicts, but rather a fraternity striving and fighting to see Jesus Christ in virtue. We are fighting for love of Him, for our (future) brides, and for our brothers.
84% of 14–18-year-old males have viewed porn.[1] 79% of men ages 18-30 watch pornography once a month, (1 in 3 daily). It lowers to 67% for 31–49-year-olds, and 49% of 50–68-year-olds.[2] What if we could transform that brokenness into grace for Jesus Christ and His Church? It would change the world! It's through this belief that we have changed the third question in a Fight Club meeting: “Who do I want to unite my sufferings with Christ for?” St. Pope John Paul II wrote, “Prayer and suffering is the greatest force in the world.” We believe that a man does not have to wait to be free from addiction to have a positive effect on others. If he can offer his suffering for another even in the midst of his darkness, his wounds already can be transformed into efficacious grace for the world. Imagine the incredible power of grace released by an army of men offering these daily battles!
Regarding porn or any unwanted sexual behavior, we highly recommend the book Unwanted by Jay Stringer. His premise is that the specificity of what we watch can give us clues to why we go there in the first place. No longer do I want Fight Club to be about “lust management,” but about how we can gently go to the darkness of why we act out in the first place. If we can go there and let Jesus love us in that space, I believe our lives can not only be healed but transformed. Imagine Jesus in those harmful memories. Let Him mourn with you, let Him embrace you, let Him tell you that He will never leave your side, and let Him love you as you are.
A note about screen time
By the grace of God, many members in Fight Club no longer struggle with porn. For those ready to take it to the next level, what if we men also fought excessive screen time that is distracting us from reality? Fight Club has expanded its vision (pun intended) to recover men’s sight to free them for real relationship with Christ and others. We talk about this in the Three-Circle Battle Plan (page 33). What if our conversations began there? I believe it would help anyone struggling with pornography as most men’s reaction sequence (see page 32) to porn begins with browsing social media. Moreover, it challenges us to concentrate more and more on how we are striving to see Christ and His Love for us more clearly.
I always wondered why I felt I had to go to Confession after binging on social media even if it didn’t include sexually explicit content. It was reading Josef Pieper who finally articulated what was going on in my heart in his writings in Faith, Hope, Love — particularly his book on Hope.
He writes about evagatio mentis which means the “uneasy restlessness of mind.”[3] One of the symptoms of evagatio mentis is curiositas which is the “disordered desire for knowledge.”[4] The Church defines curiositas as a sin. Pieper defines sin as “a turning aside to nothingness.”[5]
I ask now: outside of porn, what are you viewing that causes a feeling of “a turning aside to nothingness”, is a “disordered desire for knowledge”, and leaves you with a “uneasy restlessness of mind”?
Dare I say this would be anything on your screen that is not intentional, not time-bound, and has an endless scroll? For example, if it’s not for work, is more than 15 minutes of social media a day ever a good idea? In the Three-Circle Battle Plan (page 33), “scrolling social media with intent to arouse” is a no-go zone. Call a spade a spade when this happens. It is sin because it causes severance in our relationship with God. Bring it to Confession and be renewed every time. In addition to porn accountability app Covenant Eyes, I highly recommend apps like meetcircle.com to help with screen-time accountability. Anything and everything is either bringing us towards God or away from Him. That should be our litmus test. Is it intentional or is it escapism? Does this allow me to see Jesus more clearly or not?
To avoid scrupulosity, be gentle with yourself. God does not call us to perfection. He calls us to be merciful to others and especially to ourselves. Fight Club is about knowing we are beloved sons of God and that we cannot merit nor lose the Father’s love. Ask for the grace every day to believe this! With anyone with scrupulous tendencies, I highly suggest Story of a Soul by St. Thérèse of Lisieux or 33 Days to Merciful Love by Fr. Michael Gaitley, MIC, to help melt away the pressure we put on ourselves.
To Jesus, through Mary, let’s Fight! Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us!
Matt Aujero
October 7, 2023
Feast of Our Lady of Victory, Our Lady of the Rosary
[1] "How Many People Are on Porn Sites Right Now? (Hint: It’s a Lot.)." Fightthenewdrug.Org. March 28, 2022. https://fightthenewdrug.org/by-the-numbers-see-how-many-people-are-watching-porn-today/.
[2] Perry, L. D. "The Impact of Pornography on Children." Acpeds.Org. June 1, 2016. https://acpeds.org/position-statements/the-impact-of-pornography-on-children.
[3] Josef Pieper, Faith, Hope, Love (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1997), 121
[4] Boyd, Craig A. "Augustine, Aquinas, & Tolkien: Three Catholic Views on Curiositas." The Heythrop Journal 61, no. 2 (2018): 222.
[5] Faith, Hope, Love, 93